I Get More Free Candy This Way

Little demons, necromancers,
Witches, pirates, tiny dancers
Bumblebees and Spongebob in the drive

Little do these creatures know, then,
I’m a demon who can show them
How lucky they are to be alive

I was once a monster, too,
Batman, ninja with kung-fu,
Yet somehow I grew up from that state

Now I sit here in my chair
Waiting for these kids to scare
Halloween sets me in such a state.

First I’ll set the house to haunting
Burning jack o’lanterns daunting
Smiling crooked teeth into the night

Then I’ll set the boobytrap
That always seems to scare the crap
Out of those kiddies, giving them a fright.

The chair in which I sit, you see,
Is set right there, beneath the tree,
Next to cobwebs bought right down the road

I will sit there waiting for them
Past me they will walk; ignore them
Carrying their candy motherload

Hardest part is sitting still
Takes an awful lot of will
Waiting for them to walk back on by

Then I get them, all disguised,
Scarecrow in the chair, surprise!
Then they run; I laugh ‘til I could die.

Based on something my brother did one year when he was too old to trick or treat anymore.